Deadpool Meets The Avengers
by QuestionableIntentions
Summary: Exactly what it sounds like. A stupid oneshot written mostly for me and my friend. Using my OC (Baz/Blue Angel) and her OC (Gia/Thunderstorm). Rated T for probably too much swearing. (Written before I saw Deadpool 2.) **MOSTLY ME TRYING OUT A NEW OC. DON'T READ IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR ACTUAL CONTENT.**


Baz heard the doorbell. Then she heard it again. Then several more times. Her eyes lit up and she rushed down the stairs to her front door.

"Wade!"

"Baz!"

Wade picked her up and swung her around. Then he bent down and kissed her once on each cheek.

"How are ya? Still struggling against gravity?"

Baz shoved her good friend of many years. "You're still a piece-a shit, I can tell ya that."

"A piece of shit that's how many inches taller than your 5-foot-3, angelic self?"

"Eleven," Baz grumbled. "But I can still beat your ass up."

"That sounds like self-affirmation right there."

"I swear to God, Wade. Tony just came up with something new for me and I'll test it on you if you keep it up."

"Why would you want to explode this hottie?"

Baz shook her head, grinning. "It's good to see you again, Wade. It's been too long."

"Just like my dick!"

"Nah, that one didn't really work. But it's an A for effort."

"Goddammit."

Baz tugged on Wade's arm, motioning to her still-open door.

"I made tea."

"My body is ready."

"That's what she said."

"Fuck."

* * *

"So do you want to meet the rest of my team?"

"I've seen the movies. I _know_ the rest of your team."

*PAUSE*

 _Wade, hey, it's the author here. I'm gonna need you to not break the fourth wall for this._

 ** _But-_**

 _No buts. This is my fic._

 ** _No butts?_**

 _Always butts. But no buts._

 _ **Fine.**_

*UNPAUSE*

"So do you want to meet the rest of my team?"

"Will there be a gangbang when it's over?"

"No."

"A group makeout session?"

"No."

"A circle jerk?"

"No, Wade."

"What's the point, then?" Wade threw up his hands and flopped onto Baz's couch.

Baz flopped down next to him. "How's Vanessa?"

"Trying to get me to get her pregnant. Without my consent, mind you."

"I'll babysit the kid."

"Of course you will. If the rest of your little team is this helpful, I might leave you for them."

"Trust me, they are." Baz rustled through her purse for her car keys.

"Was that an _eye-roll_ I saw? Bazzie, I'm surprised at you."

"Shut the fuck up, Wilson. And get in the goddamn car before I make you."

* * *

The drive to Stark Tower was great. Baz had seen better traffic conditions, but it was a beautiful day and Wade chattered nonstop, asking questions and poking fun at people on the sidewalks. Of course, most of the shit that came out of his mouth was entirely too vulgar for the Avengers, but Baz was special.

She and Wade had shared cursing and jokes since they first met. Their senses of humor were equally dirty, and they both cursed like they were in an obscenity competition. Tony cursed sometimes, but Wade had babbled some shit about censorship when Baz complained about it and she had decided not to further explore the topic.

"So, here we are."

"Jesus fuck. It"s almost disgustingly modern. Beam me up, then, Bazzie."

"Well, suck my metaphorical dick and call me straight. Deadpool doesn't have anything negative to say."

"Bitch. Let's go, this humidity'll mess up my _metaphorical_ hair."

"Are you mocking me?"

"Bet your ass I am."

Baz and Wade looked at each other and started laughing uncontrollably.

When she could catch her breath, Baz said, "C'mon. I've got a surprise for you."

"Usually when beautiful women say that to me, the surprise is that they're willing to try some form of BDSM. And goshdarnit, I seem to have forgotten my ball gag."

"Shut up, asshat. I'm trying to give you a nice gift and you start talking about BDSM?"

"That _is_ a nice gift."

* * *

Baz and Wade were loudly agreeing with each other about some male actor or another when Tony heard them from his office and came out to see who was making all the noise. Baz grinned when she saw him and ran over to him, dragging a guy in tight red leather, who Tony definitely didn't know, along with her. He hoped Baz wasn't doing some sort of kinky sex experiment. (Not that he thought she would do that, but you never know.)

"Tony, I'd like you to meet Deadpool. I met him in a bar one night, when we shared an entire bottle of whiskey and cursed loudly at each other and everyone around us. We've been friends ever since. Wade, this is obviously Iron Man. He's my big brother. Be nice."

Tony and Wade did the bro-hug thing and they all chatted like mature adults for a while. Then, unable to help herself, Baz made a that's-what-she-said joke and their conversation dissolved into giggles.

As Tony was leaning against the wall, trying to catch his breath, he saw Steve walking past the room out of the corner of his eye. He waved at the tall blonde to get him to come over.

Steve looked confused, then shrugged and walked over.

"And Steve! Baz has told me so much about you! Fuck, you're hot."

Baz elbowed Wade. "He's also taken. As are you."

"Fuck me."

"That's your wife's job."

"Aww Bazzie, you ruin all my fun."

Steve had been watching this conversation for a while, eyebrows raised.

"Steve!"

"Yeah, Baz?"

"This is Deadpool, my long-time bestie."

Steve shook the proffered red-leather clad hand and shot Baz a questioning look.

Baz grinned, knowing how confused and concerned Steve was.

"You wanna go get Gia so she can meet Wade?"

Steve nodded, still looking very worried.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Wade wiggled his eyebrows at Baz.

"So. Is Gia hot too?"

Baz smacked his arm.

* * *

"Gia?"

"Yes, Stevie?"

"There's a strange man in red leather in the main room. Baz wants you to meet him. He's an...interesting person, as far as I can tell."

Gia shrugged. "If Baz tolerates him, I'm sure he's fine."

She got up languidly, pulling the blanket she had been wrapped in off the couch. She rewrapped herself and headed off to find her best friend.

* * *

"Baz?"

"Gia! You found us!"

"Um, yeah."

"I'd like you to meet Deadpool. Wade, this is Thunderstorm."

"Call me Gia."

"God _damn_ , Gia. Steve is a lucky bitch."

"Don't listen to him, babe. He's a shitstick."

"'Babe?' Is there some threesome action going on here?"

"No, bitch. Just ten years of friendship."

Deadpool grinned. His mask was weirdly expressive, considering masks were supposed to, y'know, _hide_ your facial features.

"We're getting close to seven years together. Why don'tcha call _me_ 'babe'?

"I'll give you one guess."

* * *

Bucky heard loud laughter from the main room. He walked through the swish-door that had fascinated him since he'd been adopted by the Avengers. Baz, Gia, and Tony were clustered around a man in red spandex who made Baz look short. Then again, Baz usually looked short.

"Hey, guys. Who's this?"

"OH. Hey, Buck. This is, uh, Wade."

"Why do you seem so nervous all of a sudden?"

"No reason. Wade, this is Bucky."

"Nice to meetcha, Bucky. So what's your superhero name?"

"Winter Soldier. What's yours?"

Wade laughed. "I'm...not exactly a superhero. My name's Deadpool."

Baz grabbed Wade's wrist, then looked around at the others. "Y'all mind giving us a minute?"

They nodded, so Baz dragged Wade down the hall and into a side room.

"Listen, Wilson. Bucky is my boyfriend. And he's really not...quite used to modern life yet. So if you could clean up your mouth, that would be great."

"Clean up my mouth?"

"You know exactly what I mean. No cursing and _please_ no sex jokes. Bucky's a bean and if you curse around him, I will hurt you so bad you won't be able to bounce back."

Wade put his hands up in surrender. Baz had gone from happy and shiny to terrifying in a few minutes. "All right, all right, I've got it."

"Thank you."

* * *

Bucky smiled and waved as Deadpool walked out the door.

"He was nice."

"He was flirting with you half the time, Buck."

Bucky laughed. "I know. He flirts like you do. But he was kinda fascinating."

Baz shot him a Look. "I'm fake-offended. Don't you loooooove me anymore?"

Bucky blushed. "Of course, Baz. I didn't like him like _that_."

"I know, babe. It's just adorable to watch you squirm."

Bucky grinned devilishly and wrapped his arms around Baz's waist, then threw her over his metal shoulder.

"Hey!"

"That's what you get for making me uncomfortable." Bucky started tickling his girlfriend.

Baz giggled maniacally as Bucky carried her to their room.


End file.
